Tiger Woods : the good , the bad and the ugly

Did you hear that Phil Mickelson called Elin Nordegren? He asked her for some tips on beating Tiger.
That's just one of many, many jokes making rounds in the aftermath of Tiger Woods' car crash and affair rumors. Some of the jokes are pretty good, others aren't pretty at all. Have you ever noticed how many golf jokes involve comic-book violence toward a spouse? There are plenty of those regarding Tiger and Elin, too:


=The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."
=Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.
=What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Of course, Elin is actually Swedish. But poetic license is allowed in jokes.)

There are jokes about the affair rumors:


=Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
=Tiger's other women aren't misstresses. They're provisionals.
=Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.
=What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause? Santa stopped at three ho's. (That joke has been re-posted about 50 times in comments, so I think we can stop adding it anew to the comment thread.)

And jokes about Tiger's car crash started surfacing within minutes of the initial reports of the accident, including these:


=Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
=What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
=Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
=Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Most of the above come from amateur quipsters - folks like you and me. But the professionals are having a field day with Tiger's troubles, too. For example:


=Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."
=Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express."

Then there are the YouTube videos. Check out the slow-jam remix of Tiger's voicemail, or the Christmas song parody.

Heard others Tiger woods jokes recently? Post them in comments (but please only the clean ones).